why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You had me at "let me see your balls"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
