bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize