I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize