Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
