Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
