i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize