the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
