That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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