Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
