i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
