I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
