it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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