Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
