Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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