im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
