I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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