I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize