your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
