My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
