My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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