please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
