glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
