3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
