My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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