first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
