just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
