that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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