I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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