I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
