she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is an emotional support booty call
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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