i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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