Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
