You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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