my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
