boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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