thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize