At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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