I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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