Sponge bath it is.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
