HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found your dick twin last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
