and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
