I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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