My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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