I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
