I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
