In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
