Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
