omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
