Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
