I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
