this just has baby written all over it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
