dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
