Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
