So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
