he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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