Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
