dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
