My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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