Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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