this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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