found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
