How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just high enough for therapy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
