I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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