naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
