I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
