he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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