i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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