i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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