I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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