Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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