Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need to calm my uterus...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
